Dwight Damian Lay

Dwight Damian Lay passed away on Father’s Day, June 21, 2026 with family by his side. The youngest of 5 children in a Marine Corps family, “DW” as his family called him, was born in Knoxville, Tennessee on the birthday of the Marine Corps, a fact that made his father very proud. When his father retired from the Corps, he moved the family back to his native Kansas.

Dwight grew up in Hoyt, Kansas and attended Royal Valley High School. He was a high achiever and was involved in Cross Country, Boys State, Journalism, and Band. In addition to playing the French horn in band, he played violin, often with his dad

accompanying him on guitar as they performed at local bluegrass festivals together.

At the start of his senior year, Dwight was involved in a motor vehicle accident where he suffered a spinal cord injury and became quadriplegic. He continued his high achieving attitude as he relearned how to live as a wheelchair user at St. Francis Hospital in Topeka, Kansas. He maintained his grades even while being mostly absent his senior year and became valedictorian, graduating in 1992. Wanting to give back, he raised funds for St. Francis’s rehabilitation program as a spokesperson and participant in their Spirit Classic Bike Tour. He also continued rehabilitation at the next level, attending Craig Hospital’s famed SCI rehabilitation program where tried out skiing, quad rugby, and wheelchair dancing. He was recognized by the U.S. Marine Corps as an Honorary Marine both for his family’s service to the country and his own graduation from rehabilitation “boot camp.”

Dwight attended the University of Kansas and then Oregon State University. He worked toward a degree in computer engineering and was a member of the Eta Kappa Nu engineering society. He interned at Hewlett Packard and IBM. During this time, he continued developing his love for bluegrass music by teaching himself to play the hammer dulcimer, developing his own hand splints to hold mallets.

After college, Dwight and his partner, Lisa, chose to coparent together. Dwight became a father of twins in 2004. Keen to participate in all aspects of parenting, Dwight developed a number of ways in which he could safely handle the infants, using custom modified blankets and stroller attachments. Dwight loved his twins and took thousands of pictures of them, documenting every milestone. They would film little plays and sketches together, and he introduced them to space and sci-fi, with a side of conspiracy theories for fun. Dwight was their introduction to Star Wars, Dune, ancient aliens, crop circles, lava lamps, dark matter and energy and vector calculus.

Due to many medical complications, Dwight spent much of the last decade living his life from his bed. He faced complex health issues and chronic pain, but he always valued life and had hope for the future. He figured out small ways to stay involved in relationships when he could. He very much enjoyed visits from the kids and his siblings. He became friends with many of his caregivers, some who were with him for years. Friends called him the Health Advocacy Maven, as he would help others with complex health issues to navigate medical and social services.

Dwight had an amazing ability to be self determined and steer his own life in a way that was quiet and calm and respectful, even when he knew he was the underdog in a situation not

made for people like him. He was always willing to listen and to help others develop this ability and be effective in getting what they needed.

Dwight exemplified how to value life and all of its mysteries no matter how many obstacles surface. Although he’d say he was unafraid of death, he wanted the people he loved to know how hard he worked to stay with them as long as he could. He very purposely held on until he saw his twins graduate college, just a week prior to his death. He lived his life with a purpose to be an example of the inherent worth and dignity within all of us.

Dwight was preceded in death by his parents, Robert G. Lay and Delores M. Lay. He is survived by siblings, Bobby Lay, Mark Lay, Valerie Martin, and Quentin Lay, and friend and coparenting partner of 32 years, Lisa Ferris. He will also be dearly missed by his children, Naim

D. Lay Ferris, Aaron J. Lay Ferris, and honorary child, Avery Ferris.

Dwight would be pleased if donations to the Craig Hospital Foundation were left in his memory.

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